• benda42gaming

My Mind

Today's blog will not be a happy, smiley one, sorry. I have decided to give you a view into my thoughts and stuff.


So, I am not usually one to share and sob and cry on stream, but I figure this should be said so that some of you can understand me a bit better.


I love you guys, I really do.


I think some people (one even said it on live stream, while streaming with 2 other B42 members) think that I do not lurk and support.


Actually, I do,


I am usually showing as invisible giving the B42 lurks as I do not want to interact.



Invisible Lurking


You see, I have depression and social anxieties, I do not leave my home unless I have to.


I stream to try to push these issues to the back and force myself to interact. To try to get out of my shell, to meet new people like the B42 family.


That is what you are all to me, family, the only one I have besides my kid.


When that person did that on 3 live streams, I pulled back, and for that I am sorry, but it hurt, a lot. You may have noticed that I have been near invisible since that time.


I ask very little of the team for myself tbh, and when the little I ask others to do for the team gets ignored, that hurts too. It makes me pull back further.


Some may think I do nothing for the team, you are wrong, I work behind the scenes, Making Intro videos, the google calendar and this web site. Lurking and watching.


So that is a bit into my thoughts and feelings. Sorry if it is depressing, I just thought you should know.


No matter what, understand that although I may seem distant and that I don't care, I love my B42 Family, you guys mean a lot to me.


HUGS,


Dream

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First Blog Ever

So, this is going to be hard, what do I say? Should I be serious, funny, sarcastic or crazy? How about all of the above, cause all that is ME! I have thoughts on Life, Love and all sorts of Stuff and

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